The birth of a lame duck

I did follow your advice and wait 24 hours after our discussion last Friday, re: my ‘lame duck’ experience. I shared with Sue my concerns re: being outside the process as she deferred (as usual to Bob) and then you and Karl set upon tackling yet another fiscal challenge "to get by" and you did so very effectively. My concerns are with the process, as usual, and the impact of these cumulative changes and how the perfect storm of Bob’s leadership style and Sue’s avoidance debases the staff’s contribution, professionalism and morale. One product of dealing with this dysfunction is all the work we do to accommodate and work around Sue but given my status here as an outgoing staff member, I am now a casualty of this work around. I am now sidelined

From the waiting room

The view from here is bleak. Number not person. Patient. Patiently
Quietly
Lonely
Free

Swirling

Surely I have to accept responsibility. This happened “on my watch”. However there is no margin for error. There is no room for offset? There is no discussion about options to mitigate. Someone must go.

This restlessness is me besting (or is it yielding to?) my demons.

My yearning is to have someone, anyone, tell me what to do.

Is my surrender to come at this type of crossroads? Dawn’s was so physical and so finite.

One of the questions to consider is how is this situation familiar to those that have played out before? What patterns are discernable? What have I failed to see? Hear? Act upon? Own?

Hello Old Friend

I just love reunions.  It has been tooo long.  When I see exactly how long it’s been I realize it is as it should be.  You’ve crossed my mind with increasing frequency over the past several weeks asyour whispers grew in volume and pitch.

So here I am.

Here you are.

Let’s  go!

Holidaze

Tired. Spent. Void.
So much effort, time and energy spent.
Momentum lost. Next?

Low Lights

It was one of those days.

I almost cried.  And would that have been the worst thing?  No.

I felt as if what I do, what I have been toiling at over the last 6 weeks was for not.  Spitting into the wind.  Standing alone with the world’s weight on my shoulders.  A failure.

How could we be having this discussion today?  The very necessity of it means that other conversations were not heard, allowed in or digested fully. It means we weren’t working in concert so much as parallel.  It leaves me tired and cold standing alone.  Bruised.

Next sleep, perspective and renewal (hopefully).

falling apart

looking around me i pause

i wonder where they are?
when it happened
why not me
why not us
why not now

what’s the difference between us?
one step faster
one second sooner
one decision different
then it would be me
they would be we

curiosity?
fear?
guilt?
gratitude.

Home Alone

There’s something freeing about a break in routine. Today it was working from home in my jeans at the dining room table. The day flew, productivity picqued and satisfaction withheld.

To Do List
Prision
Organized &
Orderlies
Checkmarks. Arrows. Hashmarked.
Done.
Buried. Empty. Withheld.
Invisible. Vessel.

Function over form.
Formless. Aimless. Hidden.
Busy seeking out
Distraction Attraction
Clash
Void
[swish]

A New Beginning

I’m not even certain how this got started.

Well, I guess that’s not a true statement because everydaywoman has been evolving steadily for the last six years (at least). So you hardly know me (you know more than you think about me already) and you know that I understate myself with some degree of frequency.

Hmmm – yep, feels right, so it must be true.

Truth. Another topic for another day. One that we can explore together.

Our journey begins, now. Today. Together. Weeeee!